I went through a major shift in my consciousness, an awareness of something I've been carrying with me for my entire life, that until recently I was not aware I was even holding onto.
I'm talking about the programming we ALL undergo as we grow up. The familial and cultural conditioning of our thoughts and beliefs that are largely, if not entirely untrue. Remember that "beliefs" are nothing but a collection of thoughts we hold to be true, even if they are not. And in order to belong, be accepted, or rewarded we must cling to these faulty beliefs or suffer the consequences.
One of these programs we carry with us is the program of "lack". We've all been told that anything we want is there for the taking, if only we would work hard for it. But...we're also told that if we don't "follow the rules" or "work hard", we are undeserving of the abundance of our desires because there is a limited supply and only those who work hard for it will have it.
The faulty belief system programmed into us is that abundance is there only for those who work hard and do what they are told. Those who don't will experience lack. While most will associate this with money or material wealth, I can tell you that this program of lack versus abundance has far reaching effects, far beyond acquiring money or material wealth.
That "lack program" is probably the most prevalent program we are instilled with that affects every single facet of our life. What have we always been told? If you want a lot of money, you need to work hard for it. If you want a big house or a nice car, etc. just work hard and you can have it. Look at what we are told about relationships. "Marriage is hard work", meaning if you don't work hard at your marriage it will fail. One can even look at their job or career. You want to be promoted, advance, or get a raise? Work harder and longer. Everything about these faulty notions are based on the "lack versus abundance" program instilled in us, no...drilled into our belief system that unless we work so very hard and tirelessly, we are undeserving.
I am telling you that this programming is complete rubbish. We are all born deserving of abundance. There is an unlimited supply of anything and everything we desire and we were born entitled to it. Now, don't confuse our being entitled to it with actually having it without doing any work. Just don't believe that unless you "follow the rules" set forth by our family and culture that you don't deserve it, because we do absolutely deserve it. Just being alive means you deserve to be happy, healthy, and wealthy with great, loving relationships.
I've been an artist, musician and writer for most of my entire life. My own family instilled in me (and society further perpetuated it) that I would never even earn a living pursuing these things, much less become wealthy doing so. Like most creative, imaginative souls, I bought into the false societal belief of the "starving artist". It was drilled into me and my subconscious that no matter how I hard I worked at these things, I would remain poor unless I also held a steady, well paying job to toil away at for the rest of my life. I have carried this baggage, this faulty program of "lack" with me for 60 years.
This program had left me feeling that should I choose to pursue my dreams of being an artist, musician and writer and forego traditional jobs I would always be lacking and undeserving of great wealth. But going even deeper into this false idea, it also left me feeling deep guilt for not following the program. This faulty program conflicted with my purpose. My purpose in life was to inspire others via my art, music and writing and to pursue them would leave me feeling guilty for doing so, yet also frustrated when not pursuing them, leaving me in a "no win" situation that led to depression. The only way to resolve this conflict was to also pursue regular jobs or a career to support myself (in keeping with the programming) and yet in doing so and foregoing my purpose, also led to depression. To solely pursue my creative purpose would mean I did not deserve anything but suffering from lack. Lack of money, lack of material comforts, lack of good health, and even a lack of loving relationships, etc.
How this played out, throughout my life, was that while I did pursue my purpose, I also played the game of keeping odd jobs to pay the bills, to "support" myself, while I "played" with these "hobbies" that supposedly would never make me any money. The only way I knew how to "earn" money from these pursuits (while also appeasing those who programmed me so they would still accept me) was to work tirelessly to the point of exhaustion. I would "prove" to them that I could make a good living from these pursuits and so I worked hard and put in long hours to make it happen. And I did become successful. But all this did was exhaust me, destroy my health and ruin every relationship I've ever had.
My mother and sister and a few lifelong, select friends who understood (to whom I am eternally grateful) were the only ones who supported me in following my purpose. I eventually became alienated from my own father and brothers, as well as friends, and all other close relationships who were not supportive of such nonsense. This caused me a great deal of guilt, anger, frustration, resentment and depression which ruined almost every relationship I ever had. I worked so hard and long at these pursuits that I had no time nor energy left to devote to family or friends. But what did it matter anyway? Pursuing my purpose meant I didn't deserve their love and/or friendship anyway. It also meant I didn't deserve to become wealthy. The emotional suffering I endured because of this "lack program" would eventually manifest in my body physically as well. I was often sick or in pain, holding these deep emotional states in my body that I deal with still to this day.
So what effect did this have on my subconscious? Because I "bought into" this lack program, I would unknowingly, subconsciously sabotage my successes in every facet of my life. When I was on the verge of great financial success, I would undermine my efforts so I would not become wealthy because deep down I felt I didn't deserve it. Because I felt undeserving I would also sabotage my relationships with friends, girlfriends and even my previous marriage. Had I continued on this path I may very well have destroyed my current marriage to the most wonderful woman I've ever had a relationship with, simply because I felt undeserving. It was only my false belief in the "lack program" that I did not deserve to be happy, healthy or deserving of being loved by someone. Because I was unaware that this program was derailing a life of abundant happiness, joy, wealth, health and love, I simply accepted my fate for no reason other than I believed I was undeserving. This is what the "lack" program does to us. It isn't that we can't have these things, but that unless we buy into the program, we are undeserving of them.
This lack program has far reaching effects beyond money. Most people think the program of lack only means that we will not make enough money or have enough things. This is why we toil away, working long meaningless hours at jobs that do not fulfill our purpose. But this is very much aligned with a society based on consumerism and acquiring material things in order to be happy. Yet another false program of lack versus abundance. We are programmed to believe we will never be happy unless we acquire material wealth.
Make no mistake, we do have to find meaningful jobs or careers and work at them to acquire financial wealth. We do have to work at maintaining loving relationships. We do have to work on our diet, and exercise to acquire good health. We do have to continue to work on ourselves to live joyous, productive and happy, fulfilled lives.
But we do not have to work at these things in order to be deserving of them. We are born deserving of abundance in all facets of our life. Don't for one second hold onto the faulty belief you do not deserve these things unless you work at it. They are your birthright. What you do with it is entirely up to you. Know you are Love itself and deserve everything you desire. Now what will you do with it?