Updated: Dec 21, 2019
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.” ~ Mark Twain.
How many times have any of us gone on a diet only to fail? Who hasn't joined a gym, gone a few times and then stopped and let their membership expire? It isn't for a lack of trying and it has nothing to do with will power or desire. It has everything to do with our ingrained habits. Habits we developed over a lifetime. These habits, even when bad for us offer us a form of comfort. My, how we love being comfortable!. Any time we try to change something in our life, we are always met with resistance. But resistance from what? Most people think that if we just have enough desire and will power to change, we can do it. Well, of course we can, but will we?
Resistance can come in many forms. Family, friends or co-workers, well meaning as they might be, are often the ones who undermine or sabotage our efforts even while they encourage and support us. We want to go on a diet and they offer their full support and often encourage us, but at the same time they are the ones asking us to go out for drinks or dinner, or they have us over and order pizza or make something we can't eat while on our diet. Well meaning as they might be, they aren't the ones undergoing change and so while they'll give us pep talks they also sabotage us at the same time. But they aren't the biggest resistance to change.
The single biggest resistance to change is our own mind. Specifically, it's our ego. Our ego is where all our programmed thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us reside. Our ego is not our friend and it isn't even who we are! We are not our ego. You know that voice in your head that constantly talks to you? That's not you. Sure, it sounds like you and says all the things you'd say to yourself, but it's not you. Who you are is this beautiful spirit meant to live a great life. Who you are is the one who hears the voice in your head, not the voice itself. If you think that voice is yours, then who is the one listening to it?
But this ego we have really dislikes change. It's been developing its power over us for our entire life and it likes things just the way they are. It will fight us with everything it can when we try to change our life in any way. It will undermine our best efforts to change because it is so resistant to change. When we go on a diet, our ego is the one saying, "Go ahead, one pizza or that bowl of ice cream won't hurt." Every attempt we make to change will be met with this nagging voice telling us its alright to fail because it wants everything to stay the same. Within our own mind we find comfort. The ego is so strong that we will even be comfortable with misery. It's why we can't stay on a diet, or keep exercising, or we go back to using drugs, alcohol, sex, and every other escape mechanism we use to make us temporarily feel better when life is unbearable in some way.
Growth is impossible without change. A tree cannot grow into a tree without changing from a seed to a sapling, and from a sapling to the tree it is meant to be. A butterfly cannot become what it is destined to be without changing from the caterpillar. And we cannot become all we were meant to be without changing from who we are now into this new being. Growth requires change, and change means stepping out of what we find comfortable. It is exactly this discomfort and struggle that the ego loves as a tool to drag us back into our comfort zone, no matter how miserable we might actually be in this comfort zone. Know this; we will never win a battle with our own ego.
But this is exactly why having a life coach is so important. I am not my client's friend nor family. As a coach I have nothing but your best interest in mind. I want you to succeed because even when you can't see it in yourself, I see your inner beauty, your limitless potential. I know this because I discovered it in myself, and we are all one, and so I know you have so many possibilities ahead of you. Your success is my success. I can teach you ways to calm and quiet your ego so it doesn't sabotage you. I can help you find your purpose and make it the goal you strive for, and I'll help you devise a plan that works for you and support you all along the way. But most importantly I will hold you accountable. We all need someone that will keep us on task, even when our family, friends and especially your own ego wants to pull us back to the life we want to leave behind.
We are creatures of habit and it takes more effort to create good habits than bad ones. Why? Because bad habits are a product of the ego and our comfort zone, which means they are so easy to develop and maintain, and we are in love with easy. That's what makes it so comfortable. It takes no effort to develop bad habits. But once we have them, changing them for good habits takes a lot of work, which is why we give good habits up before they actually become a habit. We need to turn good habits into a lifestyle and that takes commitment and it is a long term effort. Certainly not easy nor comfortable, which is why we can so easily go back to our bad habits.
Many people think the first step to change is the most important. Yes, the decision to change, and desiring change is extremely important. Many don't even take that first step, and as important as that is, the most important step to change is the last one we take. That step we take right when we are most apt to give up. The step right before success. It's that step where most people give up and fail, simply because there is no one there to tell them, "You got this!" That's where a life coach is so important to your success.
My training in college was to counsel others and while I use many of the techniques and strategies a counselor offers, I have unique way to help you release the very things that hold you back. Through multiple sessions, together we identify those flawed thoughts and beliefs that hold you back, and reset your thinking to create a new positive way of looking at yourself and your life, and then we can find a new path with new goals to work towards. And I will be there for you and hold you accountable, especially in those moments where you want to go back to old ways. I've had many clients who have come so far, and some feel like they have it all under control and wish to go it alone. I'm fine with that if they feel they are ready. But know this; it takes about a year to fully develop a habit into a lifestyle where you don't fall back into the old bad habits. I can't tell you how many clients I've seen 6 months to a year later and when I ask how they are doing, they are right back to where they were before I began helping them. That is the power of our programming and our ego. A life coach can keep you focused on where you want to go, until you actually get there.
But where is it you want to go? You have to know where you want to be in life, be it a month, six months, a year or even five or ten years from now. If you don't know where you want to go, how are you ever going to get there? I can help you discover where you want your life to be. There is an old saying, "No matter where you go, there you are." You cannot escape your problems. They are yours and you need to own them and take responsibility for them. If you want to change, you have to know the only place change happens is in your own mind. It's not who is in your life, or your circumstance that determines where you are or where you go in life. It's all up to you, and you alone. Except with a life coach, you aren't alone.
Some people wonder if it is really is worth paying someone to help them change, when change only comes from within anyway. Some people have spent thousands on therapists and are still no better off, or they are still dependent on them. Let me ask you, What is your life worth to you? What value do you place on your happiness? How much money do you spend on bad habits that hold your life back? I'd wager that we spend more on bad habits than we would hiring someone to help us develop good ones. Consider it an investment in your life. Discover your purpose and start living the life you dreamed of having.
If you wish to see more information about what I offer and what I can do for you personally, please go through the links above, and contact me with your information below! If you would like to be a life coach, or are looking to further your knowledge or to become certified as a coach, check out the iNLP Center for more information.